Reminder to myself.

You juggle so many things at once, Karen. You try very hard to accomokish things in ahort soan of time, without giving yourwelf a chance to learn with ample time, or let mistakes teach you to build your muscle. You think a lot of other people, OTHER things, OTHER welfare and OTHER comments. Rest. Be still. Do not chase for things that will not matter after a year or two. Focus on ample things. Focus on your priorities. Family. Work. Health. Repeat. No one, I say, no one will ever stay with you except yourself and your family. 

You have to break the pattern. The laziness. The procrastination. Do things dirty, with your bare hands. Smile. Do not let other people to dump their trash on you. Push back politely. Focus fiercely. 

Dose of reminder. God is in control.

I feel drained. 2021 got the best of me. I was pulled, stretched to the limit and experienced the most, by far, worst backstabbing drama in my working career. I cannot shake it and let go just that. It pained me to remember how hard it was to hold my tongue and never responded to all of his accusations. I hate him. Strong emotions. But really, I do! 

I need this job to save money for the future. I need this to help my husband to reach our financial goals this year. Oh, I need this job. For my daughter, my family and future family. God loves me and I am grateful I have a job. I am thankful. I am grateful. I need to remind myself this. Everyday. Every minute of the day. I will manage my emotions. I will manage my reactions. I will manage my thoughts and feelings. No. I will not let him dump his trash on me. I will learn. One day, I will look back on this and just laugh. This will toughen me. I will make sure of that. 

God surrounded me with angels. So many that I should feel safe and loved. He is just one person. I have the whole army of the Lord. Lessons, lessons. I will be a coffee. I will blend into the water and create flavor. I will not be an egg. I will be a diamond after this. 

Breathe. God loves me.